Top 12 Reasons Writing is Superior to Talking

These days it seems that our society, in our effort to communicate MORE – to ‘socialize’ MORE, we are actually speaking less.  That ironic statement is not made with any statistics to back it up; it just comes from the ‘makes sense to me’ kind of wisdom that occasionally oozes from my gray matter. 

I think this transition from preferring spoken communication to written communication most likely started with email, and the resulting satisfaction that came along with it – the contentment that information was efficiently exchanged between two individuals without having unnecessary chit chat or mindless conversations about things like the weather:  

        

“By golly, it’s a real scorcher today – isn’t it?”

        

“Sure is!”

Oh, gag.  Call me lazy, but daily exchanges like that can really be an ass-whooping.  If it’s summer in the South – it’s gonna be f’ing hot every damn day.  Big newsflash.   Do we really need to spend precious energy talking about it?   I mean, I’m constipated every damn day, but no one hears me bitching about it…at least no one outside of my home.  



Several times a day, the weather gets a meteorologist to announce to the world any noteworthy weather changes – such as that summer miracle known as rain: 

“There’s a 90% chance of precipitation today.”  

But do I have any similar announcements about any miracle bowel movements I may have – or significant stats such as:

DR. Wiseass's
Constipation Face

“There’s a 90% chance DR. Wiseass will give herself a bucket enema if she doesn’t produce some nice-sized stools today.” 

NO.  No one knows what’s really going on with my colon, although the look on my face should probably be revealing enough.  Anyway – some things just don’t need to be discussed every day ad nauseam, so I say let’s just save the energy and not discuss the same ol' bullshit everyday.  Am I right or am I right?

OK, so before some of you start to think DR. Wiseass can really be a cranky-ass bitch (and she DEFINITELY CAN BE) – I’d like to offer the defense that such crabby attitudes come from knowing I SHOULD be a better steward of my time and energy…which means I need to cut down on stupid conversations, which in a round-about way is supposed to be the topic of this post.  Or at least I think it is.  Hell, I’m starting to confuse myself already.

So back on topic (I think)…  

Before everyone had a chance to get thoroughly adjusted to email, the techno geeks invented texting.  Wow. What a concept.  A faster way to communicate quick thoughts.…unless you’re DR. Wiseass, who doesn’t believe in texting limits.  Wait.  I do want to be clear:  I do believe texting and driving should be outlawed because that's what only narcissistic morons do, and why should a bunch of egomaniacal fools endanger the rest of us?   However, I DON'T think there should be any kind of social idea of a word limit with texting.  Why?  Because word limits are ri-damn-diculous.    

However, my techno-wise offspring scolds me frequently, telling me that people won’t read long texts.   This puzzles me, as I find my texts both informative, and often rather amusing.   (Of course, I have spirochetes in my brain so I can find a pile of dog crap amusing if it’s a weird kind of Lyme day, so whatever…)  But my techno-wise offspring is correct, at least with regards to the (necessary) texts I’ve written to some of my extended family members.

Countless times I have composed a thorough text, anticipating all possible questions the recipients may have about the topic at hand, thinking my input is complete, and that I may move on, perhaps taking another well-deserved nap.  But hell NO!  Moments after sending such a thorough, and often entertaining text  – I get the most asinine questions which have ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED within the original text.  Most often I just keep referring them back to the original text…or sometimes I will take the time to copy/paste the ONE sentence that answers their stupidass question just to stop the madness. 

What gets me is – I’M the damn SICKO in the family with all the f’ing brain fog!  SO what the hell is their excuse?  And then I realize these dim-witted relations of mine have given me such a gift, for such occurrences provide me the opportunity to be grateful that I “just” have brain fog (along with all the bacteria, viruses and other microscopic bullshit)…  But AT LEAST  I’m not suffering with both brain fog AND complete and utter stupidity.    In spite of the occasional confusion surrounding my texting style – believe you me – I would much rather TEXT these people than exhaust myself further by SPEAKING with them on the phone, or GOD help me – in person!   

Once again, before most of us (society) start to truly ‘get the hang’ of one technology, such as texting – the techno-geeks bombard us with another one!  Enter the Twitter.  And I’d now like to insert my opinion that the word, “tweet” is a ridiculous word.   Perhaps it’s because when I think of what the proper future and past tenses of the word should be, not to mention future progressive tense and other grammatical nonsense – it just messes with my mind.  

And let’s be honest – who among us HASN’T thought that the appropriate past tense for “tweet” should be “twat” or “twatted” and ultimately, I think that’s rather inappropriate!   Don’t you?

As for the restrictions of Tweeting – ludicrous!  Can you imagine how difficult it is for someone like me to limit the expression of my complicated, often exhausting thoughts into a mere 140 characters?!!    And that includes spaces!  It’s absurd – although I will say that because DR. Wiseass likes to be on the cutting edge of technology, I DO have a Twitter account, although at this writing I have made less than 3 twits.  Go figure.   Anyway, in case you don’t want to miss any of my exciting, future tweets, twats, or twits –  here’s my Twitter name thingy:   

https://twitter.com/DR_Wiseass

(Note:  My Twitter account name has an underscore between DR and Wiseass - like this:  DR_Wiseass.  Some copycat poser beat me to the punch & got the name DRWiseass ahead of me.  Asswipe.  Either that, or I did it much much earlier, then proceeded to forget all about creating it!  You’ve done that at some point too…yes?)

The thing is, other than tweeting about blog posts, it’s difficult for me to determine what might be a good tweety subject matter.  For example, since I don’t have any real media connections, would it be inappropriate for me to announce personal triumphs, such as:

“DR Wiseass has produced a bowel movement that appears almost normal!”

Wow.  If that was a real tweet, it’s only using 70 characters which means I would have room for a photo too!  And you know what they say about the worth of photos!    Ah, that gives me an idea…  Why use words when pictures will do?

Before you know it, people are going to start communicating by the occasional grunt and by sending pics via their 

Instagram (http://instagram.com/drwiseass/)  

or Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/drwiseass/) accounts!    

But not me, though!  I won’t because I’m not photogenic nor photographically inclined.  I’ll stick with words.  I like words.  I especially like the written word because when I talk I tend to stick my foot so far in my mouth I gag on my ankles. 

I happen to think many people in the chronic illness communities (Lyme, CFS, FMS, and so many MORE) also feel this way, they just may not realize it yet.  And if they don't feel this way, maybe they should.  My reason is simple:  Most chronically sick folks have a common, overlapping symptom of brain fog.  Brain fog is a term used to describe that feeling of not really being able to think clearly - as if there was literally a fog that has rolled in over the brain.  And if you're having brain fog - and SPEAKING - it's likely you're making a fool of yourself.   I say that with confidence due to YEARS of foolish experience.  So while the list below is written in 1st person, according to MY experience and beliefs...I'm really speaking, rather I'm WRITING on your behalf too.  You're welcome.  Feel free to send donations of 'thanks' if you're so inclined; good laxatives can be expensive.

   

So without further ado, the 12 simplistic reasons why writing is superior to talking:

1)   Sometimes it takes me a long time to figure out what I want to "say", and by writing, and writing, and writing – I eventually figure it out!

2)  Writing allows me to go back and edit out some of the stupid crap I’ve written along the way to discovering what it is I want to say. 

3) Writing doesn’t generally require as much energy and breath as talking does, and I generally don’t have to repeat myself with writing, thus saving my precious breath and energy! 

4) Writing allows me to slowly reveal my uniquely dynamic personality through my writing style, including my careful word choices; hence, it allows me to use words on paper that I might not otherwise use, such as the word…’hence’, thus making me appear much smarter.  Don’t you agree?

5) Writing allows me to write in small bits of time so I may (eventually) communicate fully all of my thoughts regarding a particular subject matter; whereas repetitious phone calls make me seem like a more reckless steward of that most precious commodity we call TIME, along with the most precious resource we sickos have so little of -- ENERGY.

6) Writing allows me the luxury of not having to listen.

7) Writing allows me the opportunity to focus more on my thoughts rather than on what I might say as an answer to all that listening I would have to do otherwise!

8) Writing allows me to communicate with others AND still be able to flush the toilet!

9) Writing allows me to throw together a bunch of info and phrases from previous emails, letters, texts, etc in order to come up with new emails, letters, texts…or blog posts! 

10) Writing allows me the opportunity to create a silly list of 10 items so I can pretend I’m practically an equal with David Letterman  (haha!  I can rarely come up with a list of 10 anythings!)

11)  Writing is an excellent form of therapy.  After I've determined what it is I  want to say WRITE - it offers me an opportunity to 'try on' differing perspectives, even ones that I'd normally consider to be WRONG.   Writing allows me the chance to explore an emotional trigger more deeply, thus understanding what specifically about the subject matter really 'tripped' my trigger to begin with; and it also allows me a chance to "ZOOM OUT" and see how insignificant, and often humorous some of my "monster" problems really are in the grand scheme of things.   

12)  Writing allows me...oh shit, I forgot!

Hmmm… I wonder if there are any online photography classes I could take?

 Until next time...

Hugs & Kisses,

DR. Wiseass

 ~NOT a real doc; just a real wise ASS!