THE BETTER PART OF LIFE

I’ve been sick for longer than I care to remember. In all honesty, I’ve been sick off and on for what seems like most, if not all, of my life - at least the better part of it.  And I think that’s a rather odd phrase because that ‘better part of it’ not only refers to most of my life, but also, literally, the actual BETTER part of my life - which ironically, is the part I’m living right now.

Was that confusing? I hope so. Reading and writing is more fun if there’s a little mystery involved…as in… “What the hell is she talking about?” And yes, my writing is quite often, even a mystery to me as well.

Before I continue to confuse and amaze us both…allow me to introduce myself. My name is DR. Wiseass. And in answer to your question: “YES! This IS my given name!” I gave it to myself years ago when I realized I might fair a better chance of survival if real physicians thought they were treating one of their fellow ‘peers’.

OK no, that’s a lie. But my initials are “D.R.” and during my life I have been wise; I’ve been an ass; and I’ve also been a wiseass. Hence, DR. Wiseass was born - kinda like a medical WonderWoman for sick people … only without the bright wardrobe and perky boobs. (Sometimes I have a perky wardrobe and bright boobs, but let’s not get too personal too quickly….)

And before any of you morons stopping by think I’m a real doc with any kind of liability insurance or … knowledge -- let me begin by reiterating that I am NOT a real doctor. I do not have an MD, a DO, or even a PhD behind my name. I do have an MSU, which is an honorary doctorate in “Making Shit Up”. I, of course, granted this to myself, along with my class ranking of ‘suma cuma something’. To top that - I also know how to GOOGLE, which makes me like a ‘specialist’ of sorts…whatever sort I want to be at any given time!

Like most fake doctors … I feel I should provide a disclaimer for anyone that can not comprehend humor (i.e. - real doctors) or for those unable to read and understand plain and simple language (i.e. - lawyers) :

Disclaimer (for basic ambulance chasers and their ilk) : This information is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. IF DR. Wiseass was able to diagnose, treat, cure or especially PREVENT any disease - she would do it in a country where the FDA or Big Pharma could not track her down to sue, incarcerate, or even kill her ass for cutting down on their profits. All information provided is for informational and/or entertainment purposes only, and only represents the information gathered, experiences encountered, and the mentally disturbed conclusions drawn by DR. Wiseass while being assaulted with a daily array of vicious bacterial spirochetes, and an ample supply of mind-altering medication. No warranties are provided either explicitly or implicitly as to the validity of any information herein. As a matter of fact - if you believe half of what DR. Wiseass writes, says, or does, it only means you are a blooming idiot, and/or you are fighting your own bacteria, and/or drowning in your own supply of mind-altering medication. Always seek the advice of your physician before making any treatment decisions. And then before taking the advice of your physician, your might get a 2nd opinion, followed by a 3rd and 4th opinion; then you’ll want to call your pastor, ask your mom, and also, don’t forget to GOOGLE the crap outta your “condition”! DRWiseass.com is not responsible for any third-party information referred to from the site. But if you hear of any good parties - please email: drwiseass(at)hotmail(dot)com - she’s always ready for a good time! DRWiseass.com does not directly sell any products…yet; so in the meantime, please feel free to click through and purchase from the links within this website so that DR. Wiseass may collect a small referral fee for products you purchase. Again, please click and buy from links within the site, as DR. Wiseass needs the money…she’s saving up for a new enema bag. DRWiseass.com is not responsible for any issues that you may encounter with the purchase of any products found through sites to which it may link, most especially, but not limited to the purchase of enema bags or other colon related products. DRWiseass.com does not take responsibility for the accuracy of any information found herein, nor does she take responsibility for anything at all.

Now, back to my fans -- the simple folk. Again, dear ones - I am NOT

a doctor. I am just a real wise ASS.

Honestly, being a wiseass has proven to be quite a gift from GOD. Because in my personal and ‘doctoral’ opinion - being a wiseass means one possess the gift of finding and sharing the stupidity, sarcasm and humor in almost anything.   As a person with multiple, chronic healing "challenges" I find great comfort and joy through the emotional salve that is laughter. 

Aside from my thyroid pills, my anti-microbials, my pain meds, and my magnesium supplements that help me poop, I have found  that famous Reader's Digest assertion to be so very true:

Daily exercise of my sarcastic wit is my primary method of acquiring my daily dose of  that "best" medicine.    And yes, as a matter of fact, I DO laugh at my own stupid jokes.   If I can't make myself laugh - what's the damn point?

It's that particular "best" medicine that helps me keep a decent, usually "upbeat" perspective about life, in spite of my daily opportunities to be angry and depressed.  So for me, being a wiseass - or at least temporarily wearing the persona of DR. Wiseass - is the best way I can cope with being sick for the better part of my life, during this, the better part of my life.

Hugs & Kisses,

DR. Wiseass
~ NOT a real doc; just a real wise ASS!